I’m 31. I’ve reached the age where friends are tossing up the decision about whether to have children, and whether it’s the right time. I’m not a parent and I don’t have many insights to add about the emotional realities and the life-changing shifts that parenthood bring. I do however, have an understanding of the financial realities of having competing financial goals, especially over the long-term. It’s a challenge many of us face.

I had a conversation with professional money coach Betsy Westcott, Founder of the Inner Money Journey, to fill in the gaps of one of life’s most transformative journeys. Parenthood impacts careers, relationships, personal identity as well as finances. As a mother of two, she was able to shed light on the challenges that she faced and offer practical advice for navigating the complexity of juggling family life, career and financial stability.

Motherhood: Isolating and all-consuming

Betsy spoke specifically about motherhood, as she drew on her own experiences. Motherhood, particularly in the early years, can be an isolating experience. She highlighted that women often bear the brunt of childcare responsibilities, leaving little time for friendships, fitness, or even basic self-care. ‘Motherhood is so all-encompassing that even finding a moment to have a meaningful chat with a friend becomes precious,’ she shared.
This sense of isolation is compounded by the fact that many women struggle to balance the responsibilities of caregiving with the demands of maintaining a home and pursuing a career.

While partners may lean on their social circles for support, mothers often lack the same opportunities, further deepening their sense of disconnection.

Financial and career impacts

From a financial perspective, parenthood can be a game-changer, especially for women. Betsy shared her own experience of realising that despite her financial acumen she couldn’t completely shield herself from the career and income setbacks that come with having children. ‘I thought I was prepared, but I became the statistic I was trying to avoid,’ she admitted.

The financial impact of parenthood is multifaceted:

1. Reduced earning potential: Many women step back from full-time work during their children’s early years, which can stall career progression and reduce long-term earning potential.

2. Superannuation gap: Without proactive planning, periods of reduced income can significantly impact superannuation balances, leaving women financially disadvantaged in retirement.

3. Increased expenses: From childcare costs to educational expenses, the financial demands of raising children can feel overwhelming, especially if planning is inadequate.

Betsy’s advice is clear - prepare early. For couples in the dual-income, no-kids stage, this is often the most financially flexible period of their lives. She recommends using this time to allocate surplus funds toward long-term goals such as salary-sacrificing to superannuation, building a robust emergency fund, or investing for the future.

She adds, ‘Every dollar you put into super before you have kids compounds over a longer period. Once you’re on parental leave, income may drop, and financial responsibilities increase, making it harder to contribute.’

I've written before on how individuals and couples can prepare or make up for career breaks, including for childcaring responsibilities.

The importance of flexibility

Parenthood forces many women to reassess their career paths. For Betsy, reaching an executive position revealed a harsh reality that senior roles often demand 24/7 availability, which can conflict with parenting responsibilities.

This realisation led her to start her own business, prioritising flexibility over title or prestige. ‘Having agency over my time and schedule is more valuable to me than a job title,’ she said.

Not all potential parents have the ability to switch to self-employment. Betsy advises women to build flexibility into their careers wherever possible. Parenthood is a transformational experience, and the term matrescence (a period of identity and hormonal shifts similar to adolescence) captures the profound changes women go through.

Betsy believes that who you are and what you value will likely shift after having children. She thinks that by building flexibility into your career plans, you can avoid making decisions you might regret later.

Shared responsibility and open communication

Betsy emphasised that parenting should not default to being the mother’s responsibility. Instead, it requires partnership and open communication. Before diving into financial and logistical planning, couples should first discuss their shared vision for family life.
Here are three key questions that Betsy calls out as important to discuss:

1. Parenting roles: What are each partner’s expectations and desires around caregiving?

2. Career aspirations: How will your respective careers evolve alongside your parenting roles?

3. Financial decision-making: How will you organise family finances and handle shared expenses like childcare?

Betsy warned against viewing childcare costs narrowly as the responsibility of the primary caregiver. She explains that childcare is an enabler for both parents to work. It’s a cost to the family, not an individual.

Proactive financial planning eases the burden

Proactive planning can alleviate many of the financial pressures associated with parenthood. Betsy recommends exploring all available resources, including:

  • Government benefits: Research eligibility for programs like Family Tax Benefits, parental leave pay, and childcare subsidies.
  • Workplace parental leave policies: Understand your entitlements and how they align with your financial goals.
  • Childcare arrangements: If family members are expected to help, have open discussions about their role, including whether they’ll be remunerated. This sets expectations for both parties and helps with ensuring there are no misunderstandings. The last thing you want is to put pressure on existing relationships.

Betsy also highlighted the value of consulting a financial adviser who specialises in family planning. Scenario analysis and forecasting can provide clarity about how decisions. This includes scenarios such as one partner reducing work hours or the cost of childcare and how this will affect the family’s financial outlook.

The cost of living pushing families to regional centres

The rising cost of living in major cities like Sydney and Melbourne has led many millennials to seek more affordable lifestyles in regional hubs like Geelong, Newcastle, and Port Macquarie. These areas offer lower housing costs, solid infrastructure, and good job prospects, making them increasingly attractive for young families.

However, this shift raises new questions about community, family support, and job opportunities. For couples planning where to raise their children, recalibrating expectations and exploring regional options may be necessary.

Redefining your identity and purpose

Parenthood is as much an emotional transformation as it is a logistical one. Many women tie their sense of self-worth to productivity and financial contribution, leaving them vulnerable to feelings of inadequacy when they step away from the workforce.

Betsy advises women to redefine their sense of identity and purpose in the context of parenting. She shares that ‘parenting is incredibly valuable work, even if society doesn’t always recognise it,’ she said. ‘Recalibrating your self-worth is key to thriving as a parent.’

A partnership and not a solo act

Betsy and her husband have adopted a long-term approach to balancing careers and caregiving. During their children’s preschool years, she plans to take on the primary caregiving role. Once their kids reach school age, her husband will step into that role, allowing her to focus on her career full-time.

She explains that it’s about addressing everyone’s needs and desires as part of a partnership. She says ‘we both value each other’s contributions and are committed to making this work as a team.’

Final thoughts

Parenthood is unpredictable. While no plan can account for every challenge, building flexibility into your financial, career, and life plans can help you navigate the journey more effectively. She thinks that the key to success and feeling as prepared as you can for parenthood is prioritising open communication, shared responsibilities and proactive planning.

For Betsy, the key to success lies in adaptability. She believes that you can have it all, just not at the same time.

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